Honor and Loyalty
by Shartae
Summary: SaizoYukimura shounen-ai: Saizo's past and the events of the manga told from his point of view.
1. Default Chapter

Notes: This fanfic does have some shounen-ai implications in it so please take heed and don't flame me for it. The warning is right at the top of the page and in the summary.  
  
This takes place near the end of book six of the series before Saizo and Kosuke talk to Yukimura, but it isn't necessary to read that part to understand what's going on. There are a few references to what happened in book four, too.  
  
For those that don't have much background information Sekai Miyoshi is one of the Juyushi- Sanada's guards.  
  
Disclaimer: Samurai Deeper Kyo is not mine so no need to sue me, okay?

**Honor and Loyalty**

**  
  
**  
Silence in the darkened hills of the mountains of the Kishu region was not uncommon, but it seemed almost unsettling to Saizo who stood near the summit of Kudo Mountain.  
  
Honor and loyalty...  
  
The two words went hand in hand, never leaving each other's side even after the years of bloodshed and terror that they brought upon Japan.  
  
He hated those words from time to time when he was alone to think and remember, lost in his own memories, like now.  
  
The haunting silence gave way to his more gloomy thoughts of past, present, and future arrangements. He was never one to dwell too long in this state of mind, knowing for a fact that many men before him had gone mad with grief from thinking too much, but he never could outrun his thoughts forever.  
  
He had seen many things in his time, lives destroyed, children massacred and starved in the streets, families broken and torn apart, and good men had died before his eyes in the past, both friends and enemies.  
  
But he lived for the battlefield, for the blood that stained his hands and for the blade that tore through flesh. He was bound to that existence the moment he first drew a sword and killed a man in a darkened alleyway.  
  
He was a shadow, one of the Juyushi sworn to protect the Sanada family no matter what, but sometimes he wondered... looking upon the nameless faces of men, women, and children, he wondered why it was that he had never turned out like them. A farmer instead of a killer.  
  
Saizo's sister had once asked the same question.  
  
_'Why wasn't I born a simple girl? Why can't we change our fates?'_  
  
That was of course before his sister had died on the battlefield when they were only fifteen, when Saizo's first lord had betrayed them and sent them both to their deaths. That was before he had been assigned to protect Yukimura.  
  
Saizo absently fingered the bandana he wore around his head as a memory crept up on him. 

**_"Saizo, let me braid your hair," his sister Sachi said tugging at his short dark hair almost painfully.  
  
Saizo winced unconsciously pulling away from his sister. "My hairs too short to braid, sis," he replied haughtily as he sat cross-legged on the floor of the small room located near their lord's castle. He was busy sharpening his shuriken for the battle tomorrow.  
  
"Then I'll braid some of my hair into yours," she said defiantly and taking up one of the shuriken still lying on the ground she cut through her long mahogany colored hair and began to braid it into his hair.  
  
Saizo muttered an oath under his breath before ignoring the hands that moved to braid the lighter strands of hair to the side of his. He picked up another random shuriken and watched the candle light gleam off its edge.  
  
"You should grow out your hair," Sachi murmured from behind him after a long pause.  
  
"It would only get in my way and it would look like crap," he replied casually.  
  
"You could tie it back," she tried again. "How about using that bandana that mom got you? And it would not look like crap."  
  
"I'm not growing out my hair," he repeated a finality to his voice.  
  
She sighed softly and tied the end of the braid making sure it stayed in place before letting go of it. "Tomorrows the big day," she murmured looking over her brothers shoulder to examine the shuriken.  
  
"Are you up to it?" he asked.  
  
"I won't back out and besides I...I..." she trailed off looking at the candle beside her.  
  
"I could take your place on the front line," he offered.  
  
"No," she replied shaking her head, "this is my way of proving myself to our lord."  
  
She stood up and walked to the only window in the room. "You know, Saizo, our lord is still single and is searching for someone to bear his heir. I was thinking... after this battle I want to propose to him."  
  
Sachi flinched when she felt her brothers' eyes rest on her. He watched her intently for a time before looking back at the shuriken. "A servant isn't supposed to fall in love with their lord."  
  
"Why not?" she cried. "Can I not for once just be myself? I'm a woman before I am a Ninja. Why can't I fall in love with him?"  
  
Saizo sighed in exasperation, unwilling to argue his point. "Do what you want."  
  
"You wait and see. You'll fall in love yourself one of these days and then you can be the one asking me for advise," she said crossing her arms in front of her chest.  
  
"I don't plan on ever falling in love, sis. Hell and even if I did I sure wouldn't ask you for advise," he commented smirking deviously.  
  
"Oh you'll pay for that," she promised before walking out the door. That was the last time Saizo saw her before she died...   
_**  
Saizo shook his head at the memory before shifting on his feet and looking back into the tree line. He was sure he had sensed someone nearby and sighed in relief when he saw Kosuke walking towards him.  
  
"He plans to leave," she said simply her blue eyes studying him.  
  
"Then we'd best be prepared for the worst," he replied calmly, frowning back out at the plains and mountains.  
  
"Is that all? Your just going to stand here and wait for some signal?" she insisted, her voice raising in protest, but Saizo merely shook his head.  
  
"There isn't much else we can do, you know as well as I that he won't be swayed from his destination," he murmured.  
  
"To follow Demon Eyes Kyo to the woods of Aokigahara. You realize how dangerous that will be. Would you actually be willing to let the person you care about most go there?" Kosuke asked.  
  
Saizo winced at the stinging words taking a few steps forward to put some distance between himself and her.  
  
Only a select few people knew of his feelings towards Yukimura-sama. Perhaps that night before her death, his sister had cursed him to fall in love with his second lord. It would be a fitting way of getting revenge for what he had said to her.  
  
Saizo couldn't remember exactly when it had started that he had grown attracted to his Lord. To be honest it had taken months of denial before he finally accepted that yes he was very much enchanted by Yukimura-sama to the point that some could call him infatuated.  
  
But there were few that could resist Yukimura-sama's charm and ever smiling face. He bedded both men and women, whores and cheaters.  
  
Sekai had even been lured in by Yukimura before, for a one night stand. Saizo had happened upon them by accident that night and had left before being discovered. It was not really his business to eavesdrop on his lord's nightly consorts and so he did not take liberties to watch.  
  
Sekai never spoke of that night and Saizo knew that he never bedded with Yukimura again.  
  
"Your hands are still healing."  
  
Saizo jumped pulling himself out of the trance he had been in and looked back at Kosuke only to move his gaze to his hands where the deep cuts along his palm told of the trouble he had run into in Edo.  
  
He tried to fist his hands, but they were sore and he only managed to curl his fingers up. He sighed in resignation letting the fist drop. They would have to heal a bit more before he'd be able to properly handle a sword.  
  
Honor and loyalty...  
  
Was that really the reason why he stepped between the blade and Yukimura- sama?  
  
Saizo knew that the answer to that question should have been yes. There should have been no other reason for him to save his lord but his undying loyalty and the honor that bound him strictly to that man, but there -was- something else and that was the issue that had come up. It was the reason why he stood here, high in the mountains, thinking.  
  
Remembering his sister's words and her fate. It all added up to the fact that he cared about Yukimura more than he should have.  
  
"I'm a fool," he muttered thinking aloud.  
  
He knew without even having to think twice that Yukimura-sama wasn't looking for commitment. Loyalty was all he needed and all he asked of from the Juyushi, and Saizo refused to be a whore just to get a chance to see beyond that man's mask, just to feel the pleasure of one night, touching pale skin and silky black hair.  
  
Who would have thought that shadows were lonely creatures?  
  
Saizo would continue on, as he always did, caring about Yukimura from afar and staring after his back as he dragged another beautiful stranger to his bedroom or to a secluded area in the forest.  
  
He would protect Yukimura-sama always, no matter what. It was his way of showing how much he cared for the man and not even Demon Eyes Kyo would get in his way. He was a shadow and one of the Juyushi bound to die for his lord.  
  
He could still remember his sister's fate at the hands of the man whom she had said she loved and quickly he pushed the memories back turning towards Kosuke.  
  
"Come on," he said. "Let's see if we can at least try to talk him out of going."  
  
"But what about..." Kosuke began, but Saizo didn't stick around to listen his feet already guiding him to his master.  
  
"He'll leave before we get to him if we stay here," Saizo replied calmly and slowly Kosuke began to follow him through the trees, frowning at his back.

(((First fanfic I've posted. (Finally!) I might post another chapter if I get any good ideas, but for now this is it. Reviews are very welcome! 


	2. Memories

Well, first of all, sorry for the long wait for the next chapter, I couldn't get that thing between my ears to work. (Think, Think, damn it!)  
  
Much of this fanfic will revolve around the manga so do expect some spoilers. I'll be sure to give a warning at the top of the chapter on which manga I'm spoiling, if any.  
  
And of course the warning is still there on the shounen-ai! Saizo x Yukimura! Don't like, don't read!  
  
Thanks a lot to those who reviewed and gave me the inspiration I needed to turn this into a longer story! You all were such a great help.

**Honor and Loyalty  
Chapter 2: Memories  
**  
"Hello? Anyone home?"  
  
Saizo backpedaled just in time to miss running into Kamanosuke and looked up to figure out where he was and why he was there.  
  
Oh yeah, that was right. Yukimura-sama had told him to do his duties while he went to the woods of Aokigahara. So he was going to secure the area around Kudoyama. He must have gotten caught up in his thoughts again...  
  
"Man, you're a mess, Saizo," Kamanosuke continued.  
  
"It's nothing," he replied absently and tried to get around the other Juyushi, but Kamanosuke sidestepped to get in his way, looking up at his face.  
  
"Excuse me," Saizo tried and moved to get around Kamanosuke again, but the same thing happened again.  
  
"Damn it, Kamanosuke, move!" Saizo growled in agitation.  
  
Kamanosuke laughed gingerly, shifting on his feet almost imperceptibly. "You know Saizo, we should be able to take care of Kudoyama ourselves."  
  
"Yeah, we can handle this place easily," Jinpachi put in from behind him smirking at Kamanosuke.  
  
"So why don't you go make sure Yukimura-sama doesn't do anything he'll regret later?" Kamanosuke suggested.  
  
Saizo frowned in irritation and glared at the two Juyushi. "Knowing you two it would be unwise for me to leave."  
  
"Oh, come on," Kamanosuke whined, moving to put an arm over Saizo's shoulders. "It's been over a week since we've heard from Yukimura. What if something happened to him?"  
  
Saizo turned his gaze to the forest floor.  
  
Of course he was worried. He knew that Yukimura-sama had a knack for finding trouble, but Saizo reassured himself constantly. Yukimura-sama could protect himself, he had gotten much stronger after the tournament in Edo, and besides he had Sasuke with him.  
  
But still...  
  
"We'll watch over Kudoyama and you can go make sure Yukimura is safe. Kosuke will watch over Sakuya," Kamanosuke continued.  
  
Saizo paused a few seconds before carefully replying. "I'll go..."  
  
"Great! I'll let the others know of the arrangement, we'll keep our ears open for any news and inform you immediately," Kamanosuke said happily, moving to stand beside Jinpachi.  
  
Saizo couldn't help but wonder at Kamanosuke's suddenly cheerful mood, as he turned away from the two Juyushi and began walking down the trail. He looked back only once to see the two disappear from sight in the afternoon sunlight.  
  
"Were they trying to get rid of me?" he asked softly to himself.  
  
He shook his head before finalizing his decision.  
  
Yes, he would go to Aokigahara and make sure Yukimura-sama was all right. From there... It didn't matter.  
  
Saizo turned back into the direction he was going and ran, traveling along the forest. He had a long ways to go, but if he moved quickly enough he might reach the sea of trees by tomorrow.  
  
He jumped along the trees using them as stepping-stones between him and his destination and as he ran he thought of how familiar this seemed. Like when he used to run with the former Sasuke at his side.  
  
It reminded him of the first time he met Sasuke after...  
  
-----------  
  
_ "Saizo?"  
  
"How are the second and third divisions doing?" Saizo asked, unconsciously worried about his sister as the battle raged around him.  
  
He dodged just in time to miss getting decapitated by one of the enemy samurai and thrust his sword out to catch the man in the gut. The man dropped like a stone and didn't move.  
  
Saizo's sword was already coated with blood and he had run out of shuriken a long time ago. His shoulder hurt where a carefully aimed sword had cut through skin and muscle, but he was alive, which was more than many of the other ninja in his division could say.  
  
It was the day of the big battle that he had fought for his former lord and his sister was located in the third division along with several hundred others.  
  
"The second division has been annihilated and the third is still holding the gate. They're going to be facing reinforcements pretty soon though," Saizo's friend Ruien, murmured throwing his chained shuriken at a pair of samurai. The shuriken lodged into their throats and Ruien pulled back on the chains in his hands and decapitated them in an instant.  
  
"Our division is finished. Join what's left of the fourth division and gather at the castle entrance. If the third division falls we'll be left to guard the castle," Saizo ordered.  
  
"What about those that can't fight?" Ruien asked grimly as he sheathed his chained shuriken and pulled out his daggers to fend off a sword blow.  
  
Saizo moved around to swing his sword up and over Ruien to slam it into the samurai's skull.  
  
"Leave them," he replied.  
  
Ruien was fast to comply with the orders and Saizo shifted through the dead bodies littering the ground and moved towards the gate.  
  
His eyes searched through the warriors standing ready at the gate entrance and he sighed in relief when he saw his sister, her long mahogany hair flowing out behind her as she took out an enemy ninja.  
  
The braid Sachi had put in his hair was hidden beneath the bandana he wore and he tugged at it lightly to keep it from falling out.  
  
Looking beyond the guards at the gate he already saw the reinforcements coming forth. A line of samurai and ninja all armed and ready were almost upon the gates.  
  
Saizo began running, moving towards the gate quickly. He needed to get his sister out of the third division. She wouldn't survive otherwise, but just as the thought entered his mind a large explosion suddenly erupted from the gate.  
  
Bombs?  
  
He stopped in his tracks as smoke blew from the gates, behind him dozens of samurai and ninja cheered, but he just stared ahead, eyes disbelieving as his blood seemed frozen in his veins and he waited.  
  
It took time for the smoke to clear up and he saw the bodies. So many dead, so many dying, but he couldn't seem to see his sister.  
  
He ran forward, tripping over dead bodies as he searched the gate grounds. He found Sachi finally, leaning against the gate door.  
  
"Brother??" she cried softly as he called her name.  
  
"I'm here," Saizo whispered grasping her hand in his. "You'll be fine."  
  
But he knew it was a lie. There was no way that she would survive. Saizo saw the burns along her chest and arms. She had been in the direct line of one of the bombs.  
  
"Saizo, please tell him," she whispered, writhing in pain against the door as she reached out her free hand to clutch at his shirt. "Please tell him that I love him."  
  
Saizo was taken aback as he looked down at her in shock, but she was smiling through the bloody tears flowing down her cheeks, looking expectantly up at him.  
  
"But he..." Saizo trailed off upon feeling the hand clutching his shirt tighten.  
  
"Please."  
  
"As you wish," he murmured putting a hand over hers and smiling reassuringly at her, but inside his chest ached painfully and he couldn't seem to breath.  
  
She smiled past the pain and her hand let go of his shirt. She died moments later.  
  
"Victory was ours all along!" one of the generals yelled from behind Saizo and he whipped around pushing himself to his feet.  
  
"Victory? You call using our own men as sacrifices a victory?" Saizo cried in outrage his voice cracking.  
  
"The orders that our lord gave us were to use the third division as bait," the general hissed softly.  
  
"And set bombs under their feet to kill them all off," Saizo yelled.  
  
The general drew his sword placing it against Saizo's neck, just beneath his chin. "A servant does not question his masters integrity, if you continue speaking out of line I'll kill you here and now."  
  
Saizo stared silently, before finally closing his eyes and nodding his understanding. The sword was removed and the celebrations began, but Saizo moved away from the other ninja and samurai, choosing instead to walk through the doors of the castle and follow the stairs to the upper floor.  
  
"Please tell him that I love him."  
  
Saizo counted the steps dragging himself up when he almost tripped. He was tired and wounded, but there was something he had to do first.  
  
As he counted two hundred and twenty-seven steps he finally made it to the top floor of the castle.  
  
He entered the room that he had left his lord in earlier that day and found the man sipping calmly at the sake in his hands, guarded by two samurai. The samurai welcomed him in and he knelt on the ground before his lord.  
  
"My lord, the attack was successful..." Saizo reported calmly.  
  
"What is the casualty total?"  
  
"Divisions two and three were annihilated and only half of division five remains, my division is left with only a quarter of its people," Saizo said in the same monotonous drawl.  
  
"Good," was the calm reply.  
  
Saizo clenched his teeth and continued. "My sister was one of the casualties and her last words are to you, my lord."  
  
Saizo's lord looked up in intrigue, brows furrowing as he waved for him to continue.  
  
"She told me to tell you that she loves you," Saizo finished looking up finally from the blood colored floor.  
  
"Hmm, and she was one of the casualties you say?"  
  
Saizo nodded.  
  
"Well then I guess that's too bad, isn't it?" Saizo's eyes narrowed slowly as he took in the words. "I saw your sister, a pretty young girl, but you should realize Saizo, she was merely my servant."  
  
Saizo's eyes fell back to the floor and he swallowed hard.  
  
"Only a woman born of noble background will bed with me. I don't care for a dishonorable ninja..."  
  
Saizo didn't really remember what got into him after those words were uttered, but his hand moved to draw his sword and before he or his lord knew it, the blade was embedded foot deep in his lords' chest.  
  
There was an audible gasp both from his lord and the two guards and without even think twice Saizo whipped around to throw the last two shuriken he had saved into the guards necks, killing them instantly.  
  
The man on the end of his sword was already dead and he pulled away, sheathing his sword again, before leaving back the way he came.  
  
Ruien greeted him from the bottom of the steps, but Saizo kept walking past the cheerful warriors and out the door, stopping only once at the gates to the castle, to pick up his sisters' cold body as tears fell down his cheeks.  
  
The samurai and ninja wouldn't notice their lord's death for another few minutes giving him just enough time to walk in the direction of the Koga region and enough time to bury his sister along the way...  
_  
---------------  
  
It was only a few weeks after his sister's death that a strange man came with an offer.  
  
"I'm looking for someone to join the Juyushi, Sanada's guard... We're short one person," the tall dark haired man said sitting behind Saizo on the forest floor.  
  
"You're looking for someone to guard the Sanada? Then I suggest you look elsewhere," Saizo replied absently trailing his hand over the bandana he wore.  
  
"I'm looking for someone to guard Sanada Yukimura. Tokugawa's men are trying to off the Sanada family including him. I need someone with at least a little experience in battle to help protect him," the tall stranger continued.  
  
"I do not care to serve any lord," Saizo murmured.  
  
"I've heard rumors that you killed your former lord," the man said.  
  
"Then you should have known better than to come here asking me for help," Saizo replied.  
  
"Your former lord also happened to be sided with Tokugawa."  
  
Saizo's head turned to look around his shoulder at the man sitting behind him. A curious look came over his face and he frowned at the stranger.  
  
"So you came here with an offer you knew I wouldn't be able to resist. To get revenge for my sister," Saizo marveled.  
  
"Yes. Your former lord was taking orders from Tokugawa, so the order to kill your sister was most probably delivered by Ieyasu himself," the ninja replied, "Yukimura-sama will one day face Ieyasu. If you want your revenge to come full circle then you will have to kill Ieyasu as well."  
  
"Yukimura-sama...? Fine, I shall fill the empty seat of the Juyushi, as you wish," Saizo murmured softly. "Who are you?"  
  
"I am Sasuke. Sarutobi Sasuke," was the reply. "And you are Kirigakure Saizo."  
  
"Heh, any suggestions on how I should act around my new lord?" Saizo asked jokingly.  
  
"Remember to smile," Sasuke replied and Saizo blinked a few times at the man before shaking his head in disbelief.  
  
"Saizo of the Juyushi..."  
  
----------  
  
Looking this chapter over I felt like as if I was a little out of character with Saizo. .; I hope it's not that bad... Anyways this chapter was mostly there to put closer to the past I made for Saizo.


	3. Wounds

Some spoilers to manga #9 and #10.  
  
I contemplated on changing the way I wrote this chapter a couple of times, but I finally decided to hell with it. This is as good as it's going to get, it only gets worse every time I try to rewrite it. (sigh)  
  
**Honor and Loyalty  
Chapter 3: Wounds  
**  
Saizo brushed his hands over the bare skin of his lords' back, his eyes trailing over the deep cuts that Basara's arrows had created. His teeth clenched in anger as he moved to pick up the bandages beside him.  
  
He had been only minutes too late to help in the situation and had found Yukimura's group walking through the last of the forest of Aokigahara to a safe haven lead by Nobuyuki-sama.  
  
They had been unable to get Demon Eyes Kyos' body back thanks to Akira and Nobunaga Oda's head had come up missing, of all things.  
  
Yuya-san was busy tending to Demon Eyes Kyo and Okuni-san. Sasuke had gone off to tend to himself against Saizo's wishes and Benitora-san was making it his duty to pestered Yuya-san everywhere she went.  
  
So that left Saizo to tend to Yukimura-sama's wounds, but it angered him to no end seeing his lord injured. He should have left sooner, he should have insisted on coming along.  
  
Saizo was literally shaking in anger and if Yukimura noticed the way the bandages shook in his hands then he most certainly didn't comment.  
  
The two sat at the edge of the forest near the town, Yukimura sitting with his back to Saizo waiting patiently as Saizo inspected his wounds and bandaged them.  
  
"You got bored with waiting around for me?" Yukimura joked softly.  
  
"It was over a week and we didn't hear from you," Saizo replied even as Yukimura chuckled.  
  
"One week..." he commented shaking his head as he smirked.  
  
"You could have at least written a report for us," Saizo insisted frowning at his lords' back.  
  
"This one week was just a little too hectic for me to write out the reports," was the reply.  
  
Saizo sighed as he gave up and wrapped the white bandage around Yukimura's upper arm where a rather deep cut was present against the fair skin.  
  
Yukimura just barely winced and Saizo looked up studying his lord's expression, but as always the face gave no hints of pain or anything. His lord just simply smiled as if nothing was bothering him, nothing at all.  
  
"Am I hurting you?" Saizo asked as he slowly ordered his hands to stop shaking.  
  
"Nope. You were always good when it came to treating wounds. Ever thought of becoming a nurse?" Yukimura joked.  
  
Saizo couldn't help but snort before moving on to the next wound. " If you didn't get hurt so often than I wouldn't be so skilled in dressing wounds, Yukimura-sama."  
  
The two were silent and Saizo slowly but surely bandaged each of the wounds. He marveled at the pale skin beneath his hands and glared daggers at the red scratches that marred it in places.  
  
If he could, he would revive Basara again just to beat the crap out of him for marring such beauty.  
  
"Hey, Saizo? What ya doin?"  
  
Saizo jerked back quickly pulling his hands away. He had gotten so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed that he had finished bandaging the wounds. His hands had lingered a little too long.  
  
"Uh... I was checking to make sure that you didn't have any more wounds," Saizo replied quickly.  
  
"Mmm-hmm," Yukimura pulled up the light jacket he had kept in his lap and wrapped it around his shoulders, not bothering with the arms.  
  
Saizo sighed as he realized that he was finished and began picking up the remaining bandages, piling them together.  
  
He was startled a moment later however when Yukimura fell back to rest against his chest, his head nestled just beneath Saizos' chin.  
  
Saizo sat there feeling a blush come over his cheeks, while his lord pulled at the pile of bandages and examined them; seemingly ignoring the situation he had put his servant in, entirely.  
  
"You always have plenty of these on hand," Yukimura commented turning the simple cloth over in his hands.  
  
Saizo was still busy trying to find his voice in the uncomfortable situation and so just simply nodded. He shifted slightly so that he was resting against one of the forest trees and rested his hands on the ground beside him.  
  
"How are the others doing?" Yukimura asked.  
  
Saizo shrugged carefully. "Fine."  
  
Yukimura remained silent for a time and placed the bandage he had been holding back on the pile.  
  
"Sasuke ran into an old friend from Aokigahara," Yukimura remarked absently.  
  
"Your worried about him?" Saizo wondered aloud.  
  
"Nah. He's strong enough he can take care of himself," Yukimura replied waving his hand in the air in front of him. "I believe the name of his friend was Kotaro or something along that line."  
  
Saizo nodded his understanding.  
  
He knew just from the fact that Yukimura was mentioning this that he was at least a little bit worried for Sasuke. Saizo almost felt jealous of the younger boy at that moment.  
  
"I know you can take care of yourself too," Yukimura continued. "I never did thank you that time, did I?"  
  
Yukimura moved to take one of Saizos' hands and traced over the palm where only days ago the last of the scratch from Nobuyuki-sama's sword had cleared up.  
  
Saizo shook his head quickly, pulling his hand back. "I was only doing my duty. I will always serve and protect you, Yukimura-sama."  
  
"Always? You promise?" Yukimura asked looking up at him with a devious smirk.  
  
"Of course," Saizo replied without thinking twice.  
  
Yukimura laughed softly as he pushed himself away from Saizo and stood up, picking up his sword that had been resting beside him at the same time. "Alright, I believe you."  
  
Saizo sat up wondering if Yukimura-sama actually did believe him and finished gathering the bandages as his lord walked a few steps away to look at the forest with a thoughtful expression on his face.  
  
"I plan on following Kyo for a while longer," Yukimura commented, " You can come along if you want, Saizo, but I don't want you to interfere."  
  
"But-," Saizo began.  
  
"No buts," Yukimura said looking back with one of his rare serious expressions. Saizo hesitated for a moment his mouth still hanging open to argue.  
  
"...As you wish, Yukimura-sama," he said at last, bowing his head. He knew that arguing wasn't going to get him anywhere. Yukimura had already made up his mind.  
  
"Why don't you watch the area and make sure nothing attacks us while we recover from Aokigahara," Yukimura ordered.  
  
"Hai."  
  
Yukimura smiled before waving at Saizo and leaving the forest to head back towards town.  
  
Saizo watched him leave his brows furrowing in wonder before he jumped up to the tree above him looking out towards the town.  
  
He watched as Sasuke waited for Yukimura at the entrance, frowning impatiently. At the same moment Benitora appeared out of the alley of one of the buildings to pester the young Juyushi.  
  
Saizo smiled at the strangely humorous scene. Perhaps he could understand why his lord felt so comfortable among these people. He sighed softly before sitting down on the branch of the tree he was on and watching the entrance to the town, keeping his word as he guarded the city.

--------------

I'm trying to think of a new summary for this fanfic. Anyone have any ideas?


	4. Aquaintances

Minor spoilers for manga #10 and #11.

**Honor and Loyalty  
Chapter 4: Acquaintances**

Saizo walked through the darkened town watching the tree line ahead of him. He felt like as if someone was watching him and the feeling was irritating him to no end.  
  
Kamanosuke and Jinpachi should have been here by now, but the two had not shown up even as the sky darkened to black.  
  
Saizo looked up and marveled at the crescent moon that loomed eerie in the star speckled sky. It looked like it would be a clear night tonight, the perfect night for someone to attack.  
  
He shifted on his feet again looking back at the dark alleys of the town and watched for any movement, but there was nothing. No sound, no movement, probably no one there.  
  
"I'm getting paranoid," he muttered under his breath, quietly.  
  
He had put in too many hours watching the town entrances to make sure no one attacked and that was probably the reason why he was so jumpy. There was that and the fact that Kamanosuke and Jinpachi were supposed to show up tonight to report. The two of them had probably gotten caught up along the way and Saizo decided that it wasn't worth worrying about them as he walked back towards the town.  
  
"Are you remembering to smile?"  
  
He stopped in his tracks at the familiar words and turned back to see Shindara standing under the trees of the overgrown forest. The tall ninja stepped out of the shadows, expressionlessly.  
  
Saizo narrowed his eyes, realizing that his senses hadn't been off at all in warning him of an enemy nearby.  
  
"I was hoping that maybe you had gotten a little bit stronger since last we met," Shindara commented, "How are you going to protect Yukimura, if you can't even sense my presence?"  
  
Saizo bristled at the insult, taking an unconscious step back. "I didn't expect you to show up so soon, Shindara," Saizo spat back defensively.  
  
"I'm not looking to pick a fight. I merely thought I'd give up information to Yukimura," Shindara replied shrugging his shoulders. " Surely you're not planning to interfere in your masters plans?"  
  
Saizo was taken aback by the familiar words and the anger he had felt at Shindara upon his initial arrival rose into a rage. "You were there watching when I treated Yukimura-sama's wounds?"  
  
"It wasn't too difficult at the time, though I think Yukimura might have noted my presence at some point," Shindara replied moving to stand near one of the dark alleys as if he was drawn to the darkness. "But I must admit I didn't expect you and him to have started a relationship."  
  
Saizo felt the blood rush to his face and his shoulders tensed. "You misinterpreted what you saw."  
  
"You think it's impossible for him to love again after what happened to Mizuki?" Shindara asked calmly. "Then you're the one misinterpreting. Yukimura is throwing you the bait, but you're the one hesitating."  
  
Saizo clenched his teeth at the carefully aimed words and took a few steps forward contemplating whether to fight Shindara or let him reach Yukimura-sama.  
  
Shindara made the decision for him by swiftly turning into the alley leaving Saizo to watch as the former Juyushi disappeared into the darkness. He stood there motionless narrowing his eyes as he pushed Shindara's words away.  
  
They are meaningless.  
  
Before he himself began walking around the building following the general direction Shindara was going in to find Yukimura.  
  
Saizo shook his head at the words that still rang in his mind and instead moved to join his lord to listen to the rest of what Shindara had to say.  
  
No to listen to what the former Juyushi had to say, because no matter how many years went by after his initial betrayal Saizo would always remember Shindara as-  
  
Sarutobi Sasuke...  
  
-------------------------  
  
Saizo was on watched a few nights later after meeting Shindara, looking over the area of the forest that the group was residing in. He had a pen and paper in hand, and was carefully jotting down notes from one of the trees overlooking the camp.  
  
Sasuke sat a ways below him in a different tree annoying him with the toy Kendama he swung in his hands.  
  
Benitora, Kyo, and Yukimura were busy drinking sake and Yuya and Okuni were bathing at the nearby spring.  
  
Saizo ignored the conversation going on below him as best as he could, writing more words on the white sheet of paper.  
  
He watched out of the corner of his eye as Benitora tried to inconspicuously leave the group to head towards the spring to spy on Yuya and Okuni and sighed at the childish antic with little more than annoyance. He did however turn his head to watch when Sasuke moved to follow him, raising his eyebrows in disbelief.  
  
And here he had thought that Yukimura-sama was the bad influence on the kid.  
  
"Hey Saizo, how's the weather up there?"  
  
Saizo looked over the edge of the branch he sat on to see Yukimura saluting him with the sake bottle in his hands and smiling in a rather drunken way. Kyo looked up only once to see Saizo before turning back to the fire.  
  
"It's fine," Saizo replied absently and tried to busy himself with writing again.  
  
"Why don't you come down and join us? There's plenty of sake, Kyo- sans been hiding the stuff for himself," Yukimura continued hiccupping to prove his point.  
  
"No, thank you, Yukimura-sama," Saizo replied calmly.  
  
Saizo didn't care much for sake and he had long decided that it would be a good idea to keep a few yards between himself and Demon Eyes Kyo after their initial meeting. Saizo could still remember the blade coming at him to kill and the threat that had been thrown at him- **' Any fool who would raise a sword to me is a dead fool.'  
**  
He was grateful that Yukimura-sama showed up when he did to save him, but since then he had gained a deeply rooted fear of Demon Eyes Kyo.  
  
But it was different from the fear he felt of Yukimura. With Kyo he merely felt more cautious and wary, but Yukimura was unpredictable. He was a wild card that constantly changed its form.  
  
"Are ya writing a letter to your girlfriend?" Yukimura asked giggling insanely below him.  
  
Saizo shook his head; Yukimura knew he didn't have a girlfriend.  
  
"No, I'm writing the report that you were supposed to have written several days ago, Yukimura-sama," he said finishing the last of the report at that same moment.  
  
He folded the paper carefully and shoved it in his pocket reminding himself to send it to Kosuke later.  
  
"Ah, well I forgot all about that," Yukimura said just as cheerfully as before. "Guess I'm having too much fun, hahaha."  
  
It was at that moment that Yuya and Okuni returned from their bath, with Yuya fuming. "Damn idiots."  
  
"Hmm? What's up Yuya-san?" Yukimura asked, obviously flirting.  
  
"Tora and some other big guy decided to spy on us," Yuya said in an outraged voice.  
  
"Some other big guy?" Kyo asked looking up.  
  
Saizo watched the exchange silently from the trees and looked up in the direction of the spring wondering what was going on. He had sensed another presence earlier and hadn't thought much of it.  
  
There was a town nearby so he had guessed that perhaps one of its residences was at the spring.  
  
"Well let's go check it out," Yukimura said in a singsong voice.  
  
Saizo cringed knowing that only trouble could await them at the spring...


	5. Mizuki

I really should have just called this Chapter 5, but since it was a side story in manga #11, I decided that this would be like a half a chapter.  
  
Lots of **spoilers** on Manga #11 and Yukimura's past.

** Honor and Loyalty  
Chapter 4.5: Mizuki  
**  
Saizo sighed in frustration as Yukimura made another uncouth remark about the group's current situation and watched as Benitora fumed.  
  
"...Right, it's just his nature to be twisted."  
  
Saizo finally shook his head and jumped off the ledge he had been residing on over the group and fell to the ground in front of Benitora startling him.  
  
"No!!" he cried. "The real Yukimura-sama is not who you think."  
  
He noted the confused looks that he was thrown from the others and continued. "The Yukimura-sama you see everyday was made to be a body of lies."  
  
"The Real Yukimura-sama--"  
  
The very person he was talking about interrupted at that moment, as he snuck up behind Benitora. Saizo watched the exchange between the group wondering if perhaps he had said a bit too much and he began walking away, think that it would be a much wiser decision.  
  
"Shall I tell you about my former self?"  
  
Saizo looked up in shock turning back to watch as Yukimura pulled the sword at his side out, holding it to the moon as if to challenge it.  
  
"So this is a story from the times when I held a sword in my hand," Yukimura started and Saizo narrowed his eyes as he allowed himself to remember, because there were two sides to this story. His and his lords...  
  
--------------  
  
He shifted through the old books littered on the dirty wood floor throwing a few silly titles away out the nearby window and piling a few into certain categories. Next he pulled out the bookshelf near Yukimura- sama's desk pulling out the papers and shirts that had been stashed behind it.  
  
It was Saizo's day for clean-up duty and though he didn't mind it as much as most of the others he did have a strong hatred for how Yukimura kept his room. It was after all the most difficult room to clean in the Sanada household.  
  
He walked over to the closet throwing the clothes on the floor and shut the door behind him. His last area of clean up was around the desk. He picked up one of the books on the desk and grimaced at what he found under it.  
  
Of course Yukimura knew when Saizo's clean-up days were and sometimes he left notes for Saizo as to what to pick up, what not to throw out and so on and so forth, but today it looked like Yukimura-sama had gotten a little more creative.  
  
Saizo found pages upon pages of scribbled pictures and silly sayings. He sighed in exasperation, a hopeless look coming over his face as he picked up one of the pages finding what he assumed was his lords take on what he looked like.  
  
It was a stick figure with a bandana and a pair of kunai in hand. The stick figure was dressed in black and in position to attack; a cloth mask covered the lower part of its face.  
  
Saizo pushed the pages into a pile and set them back on the desk deciding that it wasn't worth telling his lord not to waste so much paper. He picked up a nearby book and threw it over his shoulder.  
  
There was a soft thud from behind him and he looked back to see Sasuke perched on the windowsill flipping through the pages of the book he had thrown with disinterest. "Are you trying to hit people in the head with these?" he asked.  
  
"I didn't notice you," Saizo replied shrugging his shoulders as he took the pile of books he had kept and began stashing them into the bookshelf.  
  
"Your senses aren't very strong," Sasuke noted and Saizo flinched at the reproach.  
  
"I'm busy cleaning Yukimura-sama's room. I haven't been in any real fights since before joining the Juyushi, Sasuke," Saizo said.  
  
"Do you regret taking my offer?" Sasuke asked jumping down from the sill to walk around the room.  
  
"No," Saizo replied, pausing in his cleaning. "I have no regrets. However I would like to know why Kosuke couldn't take clean-up duty, instead of me."  
  
"She is guarding Masayuki-sama," Sasuke said absently, moving further into the room.  
  
Sure...Saizo thought silently to himself as he rolled his eyes skywards while Sasuke wasn't looking.  
  
A rare amused smile came to the other Juyushis' face as he stopped in front of Yukimura's desk. He picked up the first scribble on the pile, which was the one of Saizo.  
  
"Why don't you keep this?" Sasuke asked throwing the page towards Saizo.  
  
Saizo caught it as it floated on the air and cringed at the distasteful image. "Why? Why should I keep it?"  
  
"Consider it a souvenir, from Yukimura-sama," Sasuke replied.  
  
Saizo raised his eyebrows in a look of disbelief before deciding that it was a hopeless battle and folded the paper neatly before storing it in his pocket.  
  
"Tokugawa's forces are beginning to close in on this area," Sasuke said on a more serious note.  
  
"They will attack soon?" Saizo wondered.  
  
"Yes, they're close enough and it doesn't help that Yukimura-sama keeps running off," Sasuke continued looking at the walls to the room gravely.  
  
Saizo nodded, remembering the conversation from earlier that day.  
  
_'What do I have to fight for?'  
_  
It seemed strange hearing those words. Saizo had never asked such a question before and hearing it uttered from the man that he was supposed to protect made it almost surreal.  
  
"Will he survive?" Saizo wondered aloud.  
  
"We're here to make certain he does," Sasuke replied gravely.  
  
Saizo looked out the window noting that dusk was about to set in...  
  
-------------------------  
  
Saizo shifted uncertainly at the head of the army hiding in the dark alleys within the city. Masayuki-sama had ordered them to protect what they could of the city, but Saizo knew that if Tokugawa attacked it would be a hopeless battle. They were extremely outnumbered, but he was willing to bet on his good luck.  
  
Tokugawa was going to have a battle on his hands destroying the Sanada family.  
  
In the time since his first joining, Saizo's loyalty towards the Sanada had grown. He was fond of the people here. They reminded him of a time before Sachi...  
  
It was an irrevocable bond and he knew that he was willing to fight to keep it. He refused to allow the same thing that happened to Sachi happen to his fellow Juyushi, to his lord.  
  
Saizo watched as Sasuke came back around to the army and stopped in front of him. He pulled down the mask covering the lower half of his face and pointed out the smoke signs to the east.  
  
"They'll be here in a few minutes. We'll leave most of the men here to guard Ueda castle; the rest will help get the people out of the city. I'm afraid we won't be able to get them all out," Sasuke said gravely.  
  
Saizo nodded his understanding before pulling up his own mask and following the older Juyushi into the town.  
  
Saizo found the first few samurai, already lurking nearby and pulled at his kunai. He killed the first one easily and Sasuke disposed of the others.  
  
"Watch your back," Sasuke warned killing another soldier that had snuck up behind Saizo.  
  
Saizo narrowed his eyes in irritation. "They shouldn't already be this far into the town," he said instead taking out the next samurai.  
  
"Focus on getting the people out," Sasuke replied.  
  
Saizo sighed in defeat before moving towards a group of children encircled by samurai. He disposed of them as quickly as possible and pointed the children towards the west.  
  
"Ahhh!"  
  
Saizo turned to watch a man walk out of the flames towards him. Hands outstretched as if begging to be saved.  
  
Saizo's eyes widened as a Kunai lodged into the mans chest and he looked back to see Sasuke dodging another samurai's blade.  
  
"Don't think twice. The best you can do for those who are dying is to hasten their death," Sasuke said through gritted teeth.  
  
Saizo swallowed hard before turning to aid Sasuke.  
  
The evening progressed like that, with the Sanada racing against time to get the people out of town and kill off any of the samurai.  
  
If Saizo hadn't still been looking around for survivors he probably would have missed seeing the figure of his lord running along the path and he turned quickly to yell at Sasuke, but the older Juyushi was having his own troubles as a pair of soldiers advanced on him.  
  
Saizo shook his head, looking from the disappearing figure of Yukimura, back to Sasuke before finally he ran following the figure in front of him. He jumped back in time to miss getting hit by a falling home and slashed at another soldiers throat as he was intercepted.  
  
Saizo looked up, but Yukimura was already gone, vanishing into the raging flames.  
  
Mizuki...he's going to Mizuki.  
  
Saizo knew the way from having followed Yukimura there before and he began trekking along the ground, but there were obstacles everywhere, from dead bodies to enemy soldiers.  
  
Saizo moved to pull himself up on the first house he saw that wasn't completely on fire and ran along towards the location his lord had gone.  
  
He found him finally not from sight, but by the sudden scream that split the air more truly than the cries of the villagers.  
  
What he found very nearly made him fall off the roof, his lord battling a group of soldiers. It only took him one glance at the girl lying propped against a nearby house to know what had happened.  
  
Mizuki was dead and Saizo's lord was battling in rage. Saizo shifted on the roof regarding the situation when Sasuke suddenly appeared beside him to put a hand on his arm and hold him back.  
  
"He doesn't need our help..." the older Juyushi murmured gravely.  
  
Saizo looked back at the battle in disbelief as Yukimura took out the soldiers and felt suddenly like as if someone had dumped a bucket of cold water on him.  
  
"...Is he...smiling?"  
  
----------------------  
  
Even to this day Saizo never did figure out if the man he called his lord had smiled as he had massacred the soldiers so effortlessly, but he knew that that day had changed his lord completely.  
  
Though the carefree cheerfulness was still there, it was marred in some places by a cold darkness that not even Saizo could penetrate.  
  
Saizo jumped back up to the ledge when he was finished talking to Yukimura-sama after the story and sat back on the ground.  
  
He reached into his pocket suddenly pulling out a crumpled piece of paper. Saizo unfolded it carefully and looked down at the silly drawing he had found all those years ago. He still carried it, much to his own surprise.  
  
Mizuki... Did you know what your fate would be? Sis...Did you know yours?  
  
Saizo sighed before folding the paper in his hands and watching as Yukimura stared at the moon, his own eyes closing to block out the image.  
  
Sachi... 


	6. Ambush!

****

_Thanks to all the reviews I'm posting the fifth chapter, thanks a lot guys! Hopefully it won't take long to update the next chapter._

****

**Honor and Loyalty  
Chapter 5: Ambush!  
**  
"Quite a quaint place Muramasa has, ne Saizo?" Yukimura commented looking up at the squirrel that had taken residence on Saizos' shoulder.  
  
"Quaint," Saizo replied sarcastically as that same squirrel crawled up on top of his head; very nearly undoing the bandana he wore. He sat back against the wall of the room that Yukimura was residing in during his stay and looked through the window at the cloudy sky.  
  
"I sense more of the Mibu in the forest beyond here," Saizo murmured softly.  
  
"I wouldn't be surprised if they were surrounding this entire area, Saizo. Muramasa seems to be their target," Yukimura said looking back at him from the window.  
  
"Are you sure it's not Demon Eyes Kyo that they're after?" Saizo asked, carefully adjusting his bandana when the squirrel jumped down to the ground.  
  
"Who knows? I'm gonna go check up on them, though. They went into the forest a little while ago," Yukimura said moving towards the door.  
  
Saizo rose from his position on the floor meeting his lord at the door.  
  
"I want you to check the area around here. If you find anything make sure to let me know," Yukimura stated before walking through the door.  
  
Saizo watched him leave through the front door of Muramasa's house, followed by Benitora who made enough noise to wake the living dead.  
  
"Hey Yukimura-han, where ya goin?" he asked trailing along.  
  
Saizo couldn't help but flinch knowing for a fact that the person following his lord was also Tokugawa Hidetada. He hesitated leaving Yukimura alone with the man, but orders were orders and so he walked out of the house minutes after them, leaving Okuni-san and Sasuke behind along with the newcomer Botenmaru.  
  
His feet led him quickly to the area of the forest that seemed to give off the worst smell and he jumped up into the trees to walk along them more silently.  
  
It wasn't long before he found a large group of Mibu standing in the forest ground about half a mile away from Muramasa's home.  
  
What are they doing out here?  
  
Saizo crouched in the trees watching as the Mibu conversed in hushed voices below him.  
  
"Are they still following?" Saizo made out from one of them.  
  
"They should be several miles back by now. It gives us time to report to Shinrei-sama," another one hissed.  
  
Saizo was taken aback by the strange name and looked back towards the area that his lord had disappeared in. He felt a suddenly uneasy air come over him before his eyes trailed back down to the group below him.  
  
They were gathering their weapons and securing their masks in place. Saizo pulled back further into the tree branch he resided on, when two of the Mibu looked up in his general direction.  
  
He watched as they began moving away and sighed softly as he pulled at the kunai by his side. He couldn't let them reach Yukimura-sama and began carefully moving down the tree to creep along behind the Mibu.  
  
He moved his first kunai under someone's neck and pulled back, killing him instantly, but in that same second two of the Mibu came around to swing their swords at his head.  
  
Saizo ducked in time, but almost missed the second wave of attacks when more of the Mibu jumped out of the trees above him.  
  
"An Ambush?" he cried.  
  
He moved around making sure to keep his back to the trees to keep from getting attacked from behind, but he was surrounded on all sides.  
  
This was not what he had planned...  
  
"Hey Saizo? Could you use some help?"  
  
He looked up at the branches above his head and found Jinpachi and Kamanosuke smiling down at him.  
  
"Where have you been?" Saizo asked ducking his head as a sword swung at him. It became embedded in the tree and Saizo quickly took the opportunity to take out another of the attackers.  
  
"We've been watching Akira in Kyoto. Didn't Yukimura tell you?" Kamanosuke asked.  
  
"Yeah, but the guy has good senses. He kicked us out and then these guys kept showing up in our path," he continued unperturbed even as Saizo blocked another attack with his newly drawn sword.  
  
"And--"  
  
"Are you two just going to watch?" Saizo interrupted in exasperation.  
  
"You can handle these guys," Jinpachi said calmly lounging back in the tree. "You've fought plenty of times in worse situations than this."  
  
Saizo had to agree to this, but Jinpachi had made one miscalculation. While he had fought in plenty of outnumbering battles, it had always been against Tokugawa's men or hired assassins. These attackers were a lot more skilled and powerful.  
  
He swung his sword out in an arc and cut down three attackers only to have five more take their place.  
  
His eyes picked up the large group moving to get past the forest to where Yukimura was, but thankfully Jinpachi decided to join the fray at that moment. Stopping them in their tracks with the blades on his right hand.  
  
Saizo almost missed the next sword that was aimed at his head, but caught the sword with the back of his. The attacker went down moments later from a shuriken thrown from the branch above him.  
  
"Heh...of course I could be considerate enough to watch your back," Kamanosuke murmured absently.  
  
"How nice of you," Jinpachi yelled back taking out the next group.  
  
The three of them made quick work of the rest of the attackers and Saizo sighed in relief when the last one went down.  
  
"Now, explain what the hell took you so long to get here," Saizo demanded as he sat back against one of the trees.  
  
"Akira is allying himself with the Mibu and giving them Kyos' body. He noticed us watching and very nearly brought the building down around our ears. After that we ran into these guys who were muttering something about Muramasa and Kyo, so we followed the gossipmongers and made it here," Jinpachi explained.  
  
"Allying himself with the Mibu Clan...?" Saizo wondered, frowning in confusion.  
  
"Yep and that ain't all, Sakuya-sama went missing as well," Kamanosuke murmured.  
  
"She probably went to Kyoto," Jinpachi commented.  
  
Saizo nodded his agreement before picking up his weapons and standing.  
  
"I'll report to Yukimura-sama," he said.  
  
"Alright, we'll go seek out Sakuya if we can find her. We won't go as far as the Mibu territory, though," Kamanosuke agreed standing up and stretching. "Try not to overdo it, Saizo."  
  
With that the two Juyushi vanished into the forest and Saizo began to trek back to Muramasa's home.  
  
What was Sakuya thinking going off by herself? And for that matter what the hell was Akira up to? The man seemed to be more of a wild card than Yukimura. Saizo couldn't read his intentions...


	7. Limits

_Remember that this was going to be shounen-ai? Well if you're not into that stuff this chapter isn't going to be for you, believe me!_

**Honor and Loyalty**

**Chapter 6: Limits**

He traveled along the silent roads, trailing after Yukimura-sama as the man walked carelessly out in the open.

There was a look in his eyes that worried Saizo. It made him feel edgy and uncertain. It was the reason why he walked several yards behind him instead of beside him.

The look that Saizo had noted on Yukimuras' face was of someone yearning for blood. He had seen it before on the faces of the warrior's moments before a great battle. This look usually only appeared on Yukimuras' face when the thought of fighting Kyo came up, but now...

What did Shinrei do to him?

Saizo had reported to Yukimura-sama of Sakuya's disappearance and of Akira's current whereabouts after his lord had returned with Yuya-san and Demon Eyes Kyo, but he hadn't seemed to even hear the words.

The next day Benitora and Sasuke left to go to Edo to stop the assassination of Ieyasu Tokugawa, after Shinrei had planted the Seiryu around Yuya-san's heart and Okuni-san left in search of Kyos' body.

Demon Eyes Kyo was going to learn the secrets of the Muramasa sword from Muramasa himself and Yukimura had said that he was going into the mountains to train.

...But they weren't heading towards the mountains...

Saizo kept opening his mouth to try to ask where they were going, but every time he reconsidered upon seeing Yukimura's face. That look frightened him and he contemplated leaving.

He swallowed hard before deciding that he would check on Kudoyama. That would keep him busy for a while. He began veering away from his lord not trusting himself to speak.

"Where are you going?"

Saizo stopped in his tracks, noting darkly that Yukimura still had his back turned to him, but had stopped to wait for him.

"I..." he stuttered on his words.

"I'm going to be needing you, Saizo, so come along," Yukimura said and began walking again.

Saizo hesitated before continuing to follow his lord's footsteps. He noted that it would be dusk soon and wondered whether or not Yukimura planned on camping out on the roadside.

They walked for several more minutes on the road before Yukimura suddenly veered to the left and walked through the overgrown trees and brush.

Saizo followed and almost ran into his lord when Yukimura stopped abruptly.

"Let's camp here tonight," he said grinning as he pulled at the sake bottle in his right hand and took a large gulp from it.

Saizo looked at him uncertainly before he walked over and began gathering nearby firewood to use. It was normal for him to set up camp and usually it didn't matter much to him, but for some reason tonight was different.

Perhaps it was in the fact that Yukimura remained absolutely silent behind him. Usually his lord made silly comments and lightened the mood. This time there was nothing. Not even the sound of the sake bottle moving came to Saizos' ears.

And than perhaps it was because even with his back turned Saizo could feel his lords' eyes watching him. He didn't have to look up to know that. He could feel it in the way the muscles in his back tensed and the nervous shake came into his hands. He had trouble starting the fire and frowned in agitation at his reaction.

He finally did manage to start the fire and slowly glanced at Yukimura-sama out of the corner of his eye. Just as he suspected the mans' eyes were watching him and if Saizo didn't know better he would have thought that they were...appraising him?

Saizo shook his head before standing up and facing Yukimura. "Do you want me to find something to eat?"

"Nah, it's fine," Yukimura replied absently as he brushed his shoulder against Saizo's when he passed him and sat down near the fire.

Saizo stood uncertainly watching as his lord looked into the flames and drank some more sake like as if nothing was strange or unusual.

"I'm going to go get some water. I'll be right back," Saizo stated before starting towards the river near their camp.

He walked away without looking back and finally reached the water source. He felt uneasy for some reason and thought that perhaps knowing where he was would help. Quickly he climbed one of the taller trees to look around. From his position he could see just past the forest and he marveled at how far they had traveled and also of where they were headed.

"We're near the Mibu..." he murmured aloud as he jumped down to the ground and gathered some water to drink.

He headed back to the small camp and found Yukimura-sama in the exact same spot that he had left him and hesitated before finally he trailed forward and sat down near his lord.

"Yukimura-sama? Where are we going?" Saizo asked cautiously.

"Why ask when you already know?" Yukimura asked in turn smiling disarmingly at Saizo.

"Yukimura-sama, I believe we should leave before the Mibu Clan picks up on our location. Please, I'm sure that the others will—" Saizo stopped mid sentence when a hand calmly touched his cheek.

"I plan on joining the Mibu Clan, Saizo," his lord said trailing the hand along his lower jawbone.

"But, Yuki—" Saizo tried to insist, but again that hand moved to stop him when a finger was placed over his lips.

"But in order to join I need to find a way inside," Yukimura continued unperturbed. "I'll need your help."

Saizo shook his head, his lords' hand still pressed over his lips. If he found a way inside than Yukimura-sama would...

"You said that Sakuya was missing, right? Don't you think this is the best way of finding her?" Yukimura asked as he pulled his hand away and looked at Saizo inquiringly.

"They'll kill you the moment you set foot inside the castle," Saizo replied.

"I'll give them reason not to," Yukimura replied leaning against Saizo's shoulder. "All I want you to do is find a way in, that's all, Saizo Kirigakure."

Saizo knew that he was calling for disaster when he began contemplating what to do. Half of him wished that he had taken his own suggestion earlier of going to Kudoyama to get away, but the other half was trying to think of what to do in the current situation.

All he had to do was find a way inside...but than what?

**_"Would you actually be willing to let the person you care about most go there?"_**

Kosuke's words came back to him and he looked up at the fire wondering what he should do. If he refused Yukimura's orders than he was disobeying and if he did go through with the orders than... would he be sending his lord to his death?

Saizo didn't get the chance to finish his thoughts when a hand touched his cheek once more before moving to the back of his neck and pulling him forward.

"You promised, remember?" Yukimura asked smiling at the startled look on Saizos' face.

Saizos' eyes widened as Yukimuras' face stopped just inches from his. "I promised to..."

Saizo was having trouble concentrating as lips brushed against his and he couldn't finish his sentence when a tongue trailed along his lower lip. His initial reaction was to pull away, but that was made useless by the hand at the back of his neck, holding him in place.

"...To serve and protect me," Yukimura finished for him as he finally pulled back a little bit, smiling sweetly at Saizo.

"Will you find me a way into the Mibu Clan?" Yukimura asked trailing a hand up his shoulder and back down, stopping at the armguards.

Saizo swallowed hard before nodding numbly. He felt almost like a puppet connected to strings even as the smile widened on Yukimuras' face.

"Thank you," his lord whispered.

Saizo fell back away from Yukimura and quickly turned away. He looked back only once to see Yukimura watching him before moving towards the Mibu Clan without a word, barely noticing where he was going as the last of the sunlight vanished behind the horizon.


	8. Choices

Well... I guess I could start by apologizing for how late this chapter is. I don't have many excuses other than that I'm lazy and I almost gave up on this fanfic.

I have to thank StormFugue for reviewing since that's what finally got me back to this fanfic, even if it has been about a month and a half since my last update. Thank you kindly for the review.

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed in the past as well; you're all such a great inspiration.

So, I am alive: Waves hands: and I will keep updating! Enjoy the long awaited chapter 7:

**Honor and Loyalty**

**Chapter 7: Choices**

His feet padded softly on the ground as he took another turn through the Mibu territory and his eyes surveyed the fortunately silent grounds, before he ran for the closed door in front of him with the symbol of the ying-yang on it.

Saizo carefully raised his hand and tried to literally push the door open, but again failed to get through.

"Damn it," he hissed through clenched teeth.

His hand came up to wipe over his mouth and he cursed once more. He couldn't get rid of the feeling of that mans' mouth against his. It lingered like a constant reminder of the promise he had made.

Damn you, Sanada...

Saizo cursed the Sanada Clan then cursed himself for cursing them. He hissed once more in agitation before shifting back along the wall and walking towards the next entrance he could find.

Though Saizo wasn't the strongest of the Juyushi he was the stealthiest. He was usually the one assigned for silent attacks and assassinations. He knew how to get around soldiers and ninja unseen.

He fell back against the wall in time to miss getting spotted and crouched along the ground as he saw another entrance. Much to Saizo's own surprise this door opened easily when he leaned against it and he ran inside quickly, making sure to close the door behind him.

It was silent and cold inside the Mibu Clan. After having gotten through the Gates of Hell to get here, Saizo had realized that the very earth itself seemed to hold its breath around here. It was too quiet and it was too cold. He gripped the handle of his sword feeling silently unwelcome in the light spacious room he stood in. Not that he was ever welcomed to start with...

Voices suddenly glanced off from his right and Saizo moved around towards the nearby pillars that were holding the ceiling in place above him. He pulled out his short sword and prepared for battle if need be.

"Are you lost?"

"No..."

"You know that this area is off limits for you people don't you, Kubira?"

Kubira...? Saizo shifted along the pillar, carefully peeking around the corner. Didn't Demon Eyes Kyo kill Kubira?

He could just barely make out a cloaked figure standing beside a rather annoyed looking young boy. The two were only a few feet away from Saizo's hiding place and he contemplated moving further away along the pillars.

"Have you seen Antera?" the one called Kubira asked nonchalantly.

"She's probably with the others, now get out," the boy replied, agitation coming through his voice.

Saizo shifted back behind the pillar when the cloaked figure turned and began walking away towards the exit. He kept himself hidden listening to the sound of footsteps and a frustrated sigh.

"The moon, an illusion. I am the one whose image is great and I am the one who has no image, how very endearing a quality," the young boy hissed before his footsteps also vanished through one of the hallways leading away from the entrance Saizo had found.

Saizo looked out into the empty hallway and finally sheathed his sword before coming back out of the shadows to move towards the exit. The clearing outside was empty and there was no sign of the one called Kubira.

This would have been the best time to head back to Yukimura-sama and report the way in, but...he was curious. Saizo moved back from the exit and moved towards the hallway that he had heard the young boy go through. Maybe there was something here that would help Yukimura-sama?

Saizo crept along the walls and pulled back a cloth covering one of the doorways to find a spacious room that opened up towards the outside. He quickly walked in and jumped into the nearby tree that stood over the area.

There were only a few Mibu walking around the place and Saizo watched them make their way towards a nearby doorway. His eyes caught on one of the figures, cloaked like the rest of the Mibu, but darker and the strides taken to get to the door were more controlled and strangely...familiar.

Saizo watched the figure as it came to a stop and he saw a silver chain at the hem of the cloak peek out for only a second as the figure pushed open the door to walk after the other guards. Saizo shook his head as his brows furrowed, trying to think of why this seemed so familiar. Did he know who was behind that mask?

His thoughts were cut off abruptly a few moments later when a dark shadow suddenly appeared below him.

"Taking a tour, Saizo?" the voice asked softly.

Saizo glared down at Shindara, watching as the former Juyushi nodded his head to one of the Mibu guards that hadn't taken notice of him yet.

"What do you want?" he asked his agitation coming through.

"Did he send you?" Shindara countered instead.

"Does it really matter?" Saizo wondered shaking his head as he leaned back in the tree. There was no guarantee that Shindara wouldn't give away Saizo's location.

"Love problems?" Shindara guessed and Saizo ground his teeth together as he clenched the bark of the tree in his fist.

"I thought so..." Shindara said trailing off.

The older ninja shook his head as he turned to follow the last of the Mibu into the doorway. "Get out of here before I change my mind and tell them of your location. I would hate to have to tell Yukimura that his simple minded dog got caught in the Mibu Clans garden."

Saizo grimaced at the insult and waited until the last of the shadow of the former Sasuke vanished before making his way back to the entrance he had found.

He had no problems making it back out towards the area where he had left Yukimura-sama, but he noted that his footsteps slowed down the closer he got to the campsite. By the time he was within half a mile of the location, he was moving in small baby steps wondering if maybe he could wait until evening before seeing his lord, but as luck would have it that was when Yukimura-sama spotted him.

"Hey! Saizo, did you get anywhere?" Yukimura asked cheerfully, sitting on the ground near the died out fire with several bottles of sake littered around him.

Saizo marveled at the amount of sake Yukimura could drink in half a day before bringing himself down to his knees and bowing to Yukimura as his lord stood up rather unbalanced.

"I found a way in, it's marked on the map, Yukimura-sama..." Saizo replied uncertainly as he held out the map.

There was a moment when Yukimura just simply looked down at Saizo, watching him with a strange look on his face and Saizo held his breath wondering what it was that would happen next after yesterday evening.

Yukimura reached a hand out and... snatched the map out of Saizo's hands before he even had time to register the movement and with it in hand he walked back towards the fire and sat down grinning like a madman as he looked over the location.

Saizo sat there rather confused, watching Yukimura and barely hearing the words of 'thanks' and 'so that's where it was'. He had a moment to realize that his hand was still outstretched towards Yukimura and he snatched it back.

Maybe he had been drunk? Yes, that had to have been it. Yesterday when he had gotten so close he had probably been drunk and perhaps he had mistaken Saizo to be one of his whores?

Then...why did Saizo feel so disappointed? After cursing him over and over again for what he had done? Why had he reached out to get more of that same attention?

Shadows are lonely creatures...

Saizo wished Kosuke were here to help him get control over his feelings. Even if she couldn't quite understand him sometimes, at least she was always there to talk to.

Saizo shook his head looking up squarely as he waited for his lord's next decision. He would follow no matter what Yukimura-sama chose.

After all he was merely a servant...but he refused to be a whore.

"Saizo?" Yukimura inquired from where he sat. "Go get Kamanosuke and Jinpachi, I have a feeling we'll be needing a few extra friends to get around the Mibu clan."

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Chapter 7 is finished finally... If anyone is still out there make sure to leave a review, even if it's a flame.


	9. Denial

Well, I've update finally after another month, excuse me, more than a month...the only excuses I have is that this chapter was a pain to write and I'm lazy and I have a life! Gomen nasai.

Thank you to the reviewers; hope you guys are all still alive. Oh, and thanks Jouhaiichi, the second review gave me a good laugh and I decided it was time to type just a little faster! I've already finished chapter 9 so it will be posted next week, promise! (It takes me almost two months to write four pages??? Lords help me.)

**Honor and Loyalty**

**Chapter 8: Denial**

He shifted along the forest grounds near the Mibu Clan and sat down against a nearby tree to rest, hoping that no one would bother him while he was deep in thought. He just wanted some time to himself to think.

It had only been one day since Yukimura-sama had joined the Mibu Clan and Saizo had been ordered to keep track of everything going on around the area. Thankfully Kamanosuke and Jinpachi had been generous enough tonight to give him some time off. He hadn't been sleeping much lately and he guessed it showed by how cranky he was.

Saizo had been walking the halls of the Mibu clan for the entire day and knew the place quite well already. Of course there were some areas too well guarded even for him to get into.

There had been some difficulty guarding Yukimura-sama in the middle of enemy territory. He had a terrible tendency of waltzing around the Mibu Clan and finding trouble. The biggest problem was Chinmei, although some would disagree and say that Shinrei was the problem due to his constant complaints of letting Yukimura join, Chinmei was the one who followed Yukimura everywhere. Saizo kept a close eye on the man...monster, thing whatever it was. He doubted it was human.

The Juyushi were still busy finding Sakuya, but Saizo had a vague idea of where she was. It was just a matter of timing the meeting right so that none of the Mibu noticed.

The final matter that bothered Saizo the most was that he was intentionally trying to avoid Yukimura-sama, which might he add was a feat in itself. Trying to avoid Yukimura-sama while hanging from the rafters above his head was...impossible.

"Hey Saizo, isn't the wall pretty in here?"

"Saizo, could you go get me some sake? I can't believe the Mibu don't have any sake in this place, no wonder they're all so uptight!"

Saizo was used to his lords bantering, he'd grown up with it for plenty of years, but the tension that seemed to have formed between his lord and him after the request for him to find a way into the Mibu Clan hadn't eased much. At least not for him, he couldn't much speak for Yukimura-sama and his usual easygoing manner.

Sometimes Saizo wished he could be like that. Not a care in the world, he almost envied that lifestyle, but he was a constant worrier and someone had to try and talk some sense into Yukimura-sama. Saizo literally tore his own hair out over the frustration his lord caused him sometimes. How could he sit back and watch Tokugawa take control over the land!?

But Saizo knew better... There were brief moments in time when Yukimura's mask of the fool would fall; showing Saizo what had been created after Mizuki's death. That brief moment when his eyes would flash vehemently and the eternal smile vanished leaving behind the true leader of the Juyushi. Those were the moments when Saizo actually feared his lord, unable to read the emotions that seemed so foreign on his face.

What was it he had wanted before all this started? A chance to see past his lord's mask and understand him better? What the hell had he been thinking?

He had promised himself that he would show how much he cared about Yukimura-sama by protecting him and keeping him out of harms way... and here he was in the middle of nowhere avoiding him. Irony must have had a good laugh today, force-feeding his own words back down his throat, while his mind calmly proclaimed, 'What the hell are you doing, Kirigakure!?', And really he didn't know anymore what he was doing or going to do for that matter.

Several events had complicated this situation beyond recognition. For one that...what would you call it...a half-kiss? That made for a lot of stress. Though now after having gone over it plenty of times in his mind he was pretty sure the...half-kiss ... was meant as persuasion to get him to find an entrance into the Mibu Clan. It was something Yukimura-sama would do, that much Saizo was certain of.

Then the time after treating Yukimura-sama's wounds when his lord had calmly rested against him. There had been no reason for the action and logic just didn't seem to drive anything that his lord was doing at the time. Saizo lifted one of his hands and could almost feel the soft touch of a hand running along the imaginary line where the cut had been. Nobuyuki-sama's sword cutting through the palm...

Although it wasn't that strange for Yukimura to show affection to the Juyushi it was strange that he seemed to be directing all of it at Saizo. He usually did it as a joke or to tease the others, but this...this was a little much, wasn't it? Or was Yukimura actually playing with his feelings for entertainment?

" Hello?? Anybody there?"

Saizo jumped out of his deep reverie pulling himself back to the real world only to find the object of his troubles sitting cross-legged in front of him and waving a hand near his face.

" Yukimura-sama?" Saizo murmured in wonder.

" Hey, where were you?" Yukimura asked his smile widening as he sat back.

" Huh?" Saizo was utterly confused his mind still backtracking.

" What are you thinking about?" Yukimura repeated more slowly, as if he was talking to a child.

Saizo had half a mind to tell him the truth about what he was thinking, but logic and reason won over the battle and he shook his head pulling at imaginary worries that he should have had at that moment, but didn't, until he found one that made sense.

" Demon Eyes Kyo is expected here in two days time," Saizo replied evenly.

" And?" Yukimura inquired.

" And that's it. What? Is there something I'm forgetting?" Saizo asked tensing under the suddenly scrutinizing eyes that watched him.

" Hmm...Yes, I think there is something your forgetting or more likely not mentioning..." Yukimura said calmly before sitting up on his knees.

As if in slow motion the world seemed to lose interest to Saizo's eyes as his lords face moved closer to his and a hand rested almost comfortingly on his shoulder. Saizo couldn't have moved even if his frantic mind had wanted to as Yukimura's other arm wrapped around his waist.

" What are you going to do, Saizo?" Yukimura asked softly.

Saizo shook his head almost hoping that the bashful reflex would make Yukimura pull away, but his lord was unbothered by the reaction and instead pulled closer until suddenly Saizo realized he was being hugged.

He didn't know why he couldn't seem to relax in the simple gesture, why his body seemed to have turned into a living statue in his lords' arms. It was just a hug after all, something Yukimura did on a regular basis to others. Sasuke was always whining about his lord's gestures of affection.

Saizo knew he should pull back, maybe resist, and maybe even hate Yukimura-sama for doing this. The man had plenty of whores; he had plenty of people who would gladly sleep with him. What was Saizo compared to those beautiful woman with their loving personalities? Why the hell did he even think that his lord would want him in such a manner?

Saizo's personal debate was cut clean away when a shadow in the gloomy darkness seemed to move on its own towards Yukimura and him.

" What the?" Saizo had just enough time to rip himself out of his lords' arms as a sword swung in a sideways arc straight for him.

He pushed Yukimura roughly to the side and a searing pain erupted just under his collarbone where the sword just barely cut open the skin. If he hadn't moved any faster either he would have been beheaded or his lord would have been killed. That thought made him grit his teeth as he looked up at the Mibu clan symbol that decorated the shadows cloak.

Yukimura had managed to regain his balance and was making his way over with his sword drawn at the ready. The shadow shifted nervously on its feet before it made up its mind to leave. Yukimura didn't bother following it and Saizo knew that it would be impossible to trail the Mibu warrior in this darkness.

" How bad are you hurt?" Yukimura asked sheathing his sword and walking over to Saizo.

" It's not deep," Saizo replied pulling himself to his feet and covering the wound with a hand. "I just wasn't expecting it."

" Damn, he must have followed me when I left," Yukimura hissed kicking at an imaginary stone on the grassy slope. "There's a village nearby, I think we should stay there tonight until morning."

Saizo nodded dismissively as he looked down at the trail on the ground near his feet. There were two footprints side by side moving away from the area and beside them was a small trail...almost as if the person had been dragging something.

" Saizo, come on," Yukimura murmured near his ear and an arm gently wrapped around his shoulders and this time he didn't feel like making the effort to push it away as it was becoming a steadily comforting weight, banishing away the sudden pure terror that had run through his veins as that sword came inches away from killing his lord.

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I decided to stop the chapter here before I became melodramatic. I could probably go on and on and on...

Side Note: In case there are errors in this chapter, please point them out to me, I might recheck over it later, but it's 2:00 am and I'm about to pass out in front of the screen, so later!


	10. Night Watch

Notes: This chapter is different from other chapters in that it is written in first person from Shindara's perspective; I hope that doesn't confuse anyone. Mind you I haven't written in first person for quite a long time (read years) and there may be a few mistakes!

Thanks for the reviews and I hope that I updated fast enough this time around!

**Honor and Loyalty **

**Chapter 9: Night watch**

**Shindara's point of view---**

It had been over a day since Yukimura had joined the Mibu Clan and Shinrei had ordered them to follow his movements carefully to be certain that he didn't betray the Clan. That was the reason why I stood here now watching the crowd around the village thin, as the night grew darker and more threatening.

I moved carefully down the hill I had been stationed at and watched the tree line, making sure that none of the Juyushi are nearby. I didn't wish to deal with Saizo's criticism tonight; I only came to make certain that Yukimura wasn't plotting.

My black cloak hung around my shoulders and I carefully adjusted it ever so slightly. I took the back alleyways into the village hoping that no one would stray into my path. Some of the drunkards were stumbling around the open streets and a few stray people still wandered aimlessly as if seeking something. I ignored them and instead headed for the last house that I had seen Yukimura near.

Looking into a nearby window I calmly shook my head when I saw a pair of children sleeping peacefully in their blankets. I moved on to the next house going by the windows with only a mere glance until finally I found the ink black hair that I had been looking for.

There was a single candle lit to fill the room that Yukimura resided in with a golden glow. I saw him lying on a blanket already occupied, pressed against a shadowed body, with an arm slung around a waist and his head resting on a bare shoulder.

Another one of his whores, I thought absently sighing to myself, as I got ready to leave. After all there was no reason to stay when all my former lord was doing was sleeping around with the locals, but something stopped me and I looked back curiously, focusing my eyes more clearly on the two figures in the room.

Yukimura was deep asleep lying beside the other figure and still fully clothed and looking closer I noted the person beside him was male. Though this didn't surprise me much, what did was the bandaged shoulder and upper chest that was lying open above the blanket. I slowly began to identify the person asleep beside Yukimura as Saizo when I saw the bandana that tied his long dark hair in place.

I marveled at how strange it was seeing them sleeping so close and wondered if Saizo even knew their position.

Earlier that day I had heard that one of the Mibu had followed Yukimura and had incidentally injured Saizo. Not that I cared about him anymore. Not since I left the Juyushi...

Do you remember, Saizo? You and I used to sleep beside each other much like Yukimura is doing now. When you had a nightmare or couldn't sleep you would come to me. You were still so young back then.

You told me your dreams, you told me your secrets, and you told me your deepest fears.

You always were so open and honest, I envied your innocence. So unmarred and human, so different from me and perhaps in a way it was this envy that drove me to hate you...and eventually love you.

You lost your sister and killed your former lord, but you were no murderer. You and I were always so different in that retrospect. I knew how to kill and that was that, but you learned to cherish life more.

Do you know why I chose you to become a Juyushi, Saizo? It wasn't just because we needed another person to fill the empty seat of one of the Juyushi. It was because I had heard rumors of the strange ninja who had actually gone against his lord. I saw the grave, Saizo...I know where you buried your sister.

When I went to ask you to join I had known that it would be difficult to sway you. I'm usually not so determined to get a new recruit. I usually give up after the first try. You realize that I pretty much pushed you into joining don't you, Saizo?

I look through the window again watching the candle light work along the side of your face and over Yukimura's back. Do you know that one of your arms is wrapped around your lords' shoulders, Saizo?

I sigh in frustration as I remembered you curled up beside me recounting your dreams to me. Our relationship, if that is what you wish to call it, was never sexual in nature. It was simply the comfort that two people can find in each other's presence and I cherished it while it lasted even if I acted unconcerned by it.

You told me once that your grandfather had told you the legend of the wolves in the past and had described them to you as sleek beautiful creatures with sharp teeth and fur coats.

They had frightened you remember?

You told me one night about them and I had told you that you reminded me of a wolf. I had been telling the truth, although you didn't believe me.

Wolves are known for their loyalty and pride. You were always loyal even during your younger years, I could see it in the way you would follow Yukimura even when I told you not to and in the way you would constantly voice your concern for his safety. You would willingly give your life for him, of that I'm certain.

As for pride...you always did say whatever was on your mind without any second thoughts. I'm sure you've given Yukimura plenty of headaches with that mouth of yours, and you still have a tendency of jumping with both feet into danger even if you aren't needed, though I guess you could call that recklessness too.

I was surprised during one of the nights that you slept beside me when you told me that your greatest fear is of losing Yukimura. I thought at first that your reasoning around that was your remorse for killing your former lord, but after awhile I began to wonder.

The way you would watch over him from afar with a strange look on your face as if you longed to be by his side. It wasn't me, but Kosuke who finally voiced what I had known all along, you loved him.

So obvious, so very obvious, I wondered why I didn't figure it out sooner. Kosuke was the one who first thought that you should tell Yukimura about your feelings. I was the one who stopped you, but really I don't think it would have mattered if I hadn't said anything, you seemed content just to watch from afar even as Yukimura took another young girl nearby.

I wondered sometimes what you were thinking about at those moments. Did you imagine yourself being held in his arms like that or did you think it an impossible feat. You were quick to admit to me that yes, you loved him, but you were calm about it as well. You didn't jump up and down trying to get Yukimura's attention as I had imagined you to.

In all actuality you were the one who appeared to be most immune to Yukimura's charm. I'm sure that part of that was because of your pride. The pride that made you hold back any confessions and glued your mouth shut when Yukimura would tease you. Perhaps it's not such a great thing to be so proud?

I thought that the incident with Mizuki was also part of the problem. Your own mind telling you that it wasn't right to take the kind girls place at his side and at that time you were probably right, but Saizo think of how many years its been now, perhaps it would be worth it to try?

You could push those other whores away if you wanted to, you know. I don't believe that Yukimura would let go of your heart; you are one of his Juyushi after all and you've known him far longer than most of the others. I know you don't notice him watching you, oblivious as you are to such things, but even if you cannot see it, I can.

So that's why recently I decided to push the two of you at each other. I started speaking to you, because I could still see that look in your eyes and alongside it was a strange pain that must have lodged its way into your mind over the last few years, as you saw chances slipping away like water through your hands.

I don't know if I'm making a mistake, I don't know if I'll be able to change anything. Maybe this image of you and Yukimura is merely a figment of my imagination and even if it isn't, Yukimura will probably die soon, but you'll die first, won't you, Saizo? Your selflessness was always your downfall.

Fate...

The markings that cover my body now and the prophecy that Tokito gave me; this is the only thing driving me now. We will be deadly enemies the next time we meet, Saizo. I am Shindara the undying of the Juunishinshou, I'll kill anyone that gets in my way, even you.

Thrown out of my reverie, I pull away from the window as a soft breeze makes you stir ever so slightly, but you only turn to the side resting your head against Yukimura's.

I suspect that your lord probably drugged you into your deep sleep because even a low level ninja would be able to sense me so close, but I refuse to take my chances and I have already dawdled here long enough.

I bid you farewell Kirigakure Saizo and pray that we do not meet again as inevitable as the request may be.

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Originally this was going to be a separate story from Honor and Loyalty that's why this is from Shindara's point of view, but I found that it was easier for me just to tie the two fanfics together.

Oh and yes, I know the wolf thing has been overdone in the last few years, what with the lone wolf statement, Wolfs Rain and what not all ever else, but I really think that Saizo resembles a wolf in his characteristics.


End file.
